hotcoal

Elain's new thing is lining up all his toy cars (which are a LOT) and then I have to ask him to show me certain ones. I.E. "where is the police car?" and then he points out the police car and makes the siren noise. He can name them all too. a Pick-up truck is a Peeo truck, dump truck is a trucktruck, crane is a wane.

He also like to walk around the house and organize who's is who's. So he'll grab my shoes and say "Mummy's shooooo" and then one of his toys and very loudly ask "MINE?" ... "Yes Darling, that ones yours".

He's a big ol mummy's boy now too! I love it. Cuddles, kisses... holds my hand, grabs hold of my jeans and pulls me around to show me things. Pats the seat next to him for me to join him at whatever activity he is doing. I LOVE IT.

Especially because he now gives me those love eyes. Looks into my eyes and rests his head on my forehead and I just want to melt.

I am SO FREAKING BROODY THOUGH.

I want another baby nownownow, but Phil and I have both agreed It'd be best to wait until we move to the USA which hopefully will be in the next 18 months, if not I'm not waiting any longer.

sobroody.

CAN I HAVE YOUR BABY?!

I'm rubbish.

Piccalo makes me realize how crap I am at updating on Elian's progress and milestones etc. Or even taking note of them. I mean I do... take note of them. But I think because he's my first I don't think about how old he is when he starts doing new stuff or learning new things because I have nothing to compare it with.

I'M BROODY.

Also I am on holiday this week... Not like "See ya, I'm off to Spain!" Holiday, just not working holiday. Husband turned 40 on Friday and I am having his midlife crisis for him. 40 IS SO OLD. I'm totally freaking out while he's all Mr. Cool. I mean, 40!! Remember when you were 15 and you thought 20 was like Reeeeally old? Well imagine being 24 (me) and then thinking about 40 (him)....IT'S REALLY OLD.

Anyways, we're enjoying not working and doing trips to the zoo and aquarium and lots of shopping. Even started buying Elian's Christmas presents.

I feel like a horrible mother. We bought him this. He is going to freaking LOVE it. He is constantly sweeping and dusting the house and whenever he see's someone sweeping (like in shops etc.) he goes ape shit and is all "SHWEEP SHWEEP!!!".

So we bought him a Cleaning Trolly and I feel a bit like I'm gonna have the Social Services over to arrest me for child labor. But he likes it! Really!

My son is aspiring to be a road sweep.

Damn.

Am also doing a toss up on buying him a drum set or a piano...OR a car park. He loves cars. Cars and sweeping. That's his thing. And football. Like Soccer. He's pretty darn good too.

Maybe I'll save the musical instrument for his birthday.

Been a while. Got a message from piccolo bugging me to post. okieokie. :)

Lots has been going on. Am deep into therapy and dealing with my past so quite....eh. Sensitive? I've been spending any and all spare time baking because I've found it really calms me. I've actually had people (friends and co-workers) order cakes from me because it seems I've got a knack. Maybe in a few years and with a lot more practice something I could get more serious about.

I'm so so SO freaking broody right now it's stupid. I'm plotting and planning Phil and I's never baby. He says we can't until he gets a better paid job and get somewhere else to live (3 beds rather than 2). I'm hoping though that we can try and get pregnant next spring/early summer. Fingers crossed!

Elian is a BOY now. No more baby left it seems. He talks a lot, though not sentences but he has a lot of words. I'm pretty sure he's ready for potty training but his nursery doesn't potty train until 2 so I'm apprehensive to train him myself in case he feels like the "out cast" at nursery and regresses. No rush though, I know it'll go easier and faster if I wait until he's reeeeally ready.

I'm in the midst of organizing a huge 40th surprise birthday party for Phil. Booked a band, naked lady cake, food, venue, invited 80+ guest with 40 confirmed. Still waiting for another few to confirm.

I'm hoping people show up, because I know how it is. If they don't show up and it's a total flop I will personally go around to people's residents and blow.their.house.down. Oh yes.

I also have the flu or something right now. Body acccches so much. But I'm trucking on. Got two cakes to make today for some work collegues so no rest for the wicked. I do much better if I'm kept busy though.

Elian can not climb onto our couch. It's leather and has a curved edge so it's always been too slippery for him to get a grip on it.

Last night after his bath he was running around naked (air drying, yo) and I went into his nursery to get his nappy and PJ's. I can hear him laughing and he starts calling "mama! mama!" but with excitement.

So I stroll out and I kid you not, there is he, naked as the day he was born balancing precariously on the ARM of the sofa. THE ARM. His little toes hanging over the edge. I think I had a heart attack. I screamed and jumped for him and whipped him into my arms. The whole time he was laughing.

I am assuming he got a grip on the couch because he was naked. He didn't look unbalanced either, he looked like he KNEW what he was doing and he was so proud that he'd made it up there and was balancing and wanted me too see. He didn't look like he was about to step off and I think if I hadn't had grabbed him he would have waited for me to get him down.

But shit man.... I was so so shocked to see him up there I felt sick.

But now looking back I wish I had a photo because ahahahah Naked baby balancing on the arm of the couch. Too funny. :)

Now that Elian has started using words more I've come to realize that he understands pretty much everything I say (just chooses to ignore me a lot of the time :P).

Like I never really thought about it before but he always answers my questions. Would you like a yogurt? nod of the head. Shall we go out side? Nods and runs to get his shoes. Do you need a nappy change? Runs away shaking his head... I talk a lot to him, like all the time. About my plans for the house, what we're going to do that week, my childhood in California. it's weird to think now that he is listening and absorbing it and I'm not just talking to myself.

Also I've noticed I understand him, even though he doesn't always use the right or full word. Like when he wants water he points to the fridge and says "wogah". when he sees a dog, he points and barks. When he sees a lion (obviously not a real one, but like a statue or toy or picture) he growls. A car is a KAK. A bus is a Ba. Whenever he climbs stairs or marches around the house he says "stepstepstep".

I've gotten so use to these things that I didn't even realize like the developmental weight of them.

I know it'll be a while still until he really starts talking etc. but it's exciting to realize actually, I know what he wants/needs by the way he communicates with me.

Makes me feel all warm inside.

I've been having a feeling of domestic bliss since Saturday. It's pretty neat.

Today we went to support the Race for Life runners and have a picnic in the park with some of Phil's work colleagues and their families. So I made and took, Jalapeno Corn Bread, BBQ shredded chicken and coleslaw filled rolls, peanut butter cupcakes with cream cheese frosting (for the kids) and margarita cupcakes with lime frosting for the adults.

Of course I was thinking fondly of Brenda while whipping up the margarita cupcakes (laced with lots of tequila) and have vowed myself to make them for her next time we meet (it will happen, yo. I can't stay away forever!).

( And here are some yummy pictures )

Elian has been "talking" a lot lately. He's said Mama and Dada for aaaaaggeesss and also says "uh oh" when he drops something and he's been sayig "Hiya" for a while too when he waves to people.

YESTERDAY he said "Hello" to his nanny. like properly, walked in the door and was all "hello". I was so phsyced.

TODAY I was in the bedroom with him and Phil walked in and he said "Hello Daddy" PERFECTLY. And Phil looked at him shocked and was "hello Elian" And Elian smiled at him and waved. I was like trying to hold in my squeals of delight and then Phil left the room and then came back in and said "Hello Elian" and Elian looked at him and waved and said "Hello Daddy"

SO CUTE AND SO PERFECTLY SAID AND HE HAS THIS LITTLE ACCENT AND OMG YAY!

So out of no where though... ugh. my heart can't handle the love.

yay baby!!

I fancied something Mexican today, and i also fancied not having too cook.

So I layered some par-boiled rice, boneless-skinless chicken thighs, kidney beans, a 14oz jar of taco sauce, a cup of chicken stock and then covered with two cups of grated cheddar. Layered in the crock pot and cooked it for 4 hours on low.

Tastes GREAT. BUT I think I cooked the rice too long because it is a very mushy dish..almost like thick baby food. So of course.... Elian LOVES it. This is the first Mexican dish I've made for him that he's enjoyed. Hurrah!

Easy peasy and I think it'll freeze nicely too. :)

Oh.My.Fucking.God.

I... I.... Am in shock. SHOCK.

Can't wait for tonight's final episode....

What do you think constitues a good person?

Really...

I'm reading "How to be good" by Nick Hornby and it's got me thinking.

Do you think you are a good person? and why?

Is anyone else watching the brilliance that is the new Torchwood 5 part episode? They are doing 1 ep every night this week at 9pm on BBC2. I have actually canceled plans I had on Thursday and Friday so that I can be home for it.

I have no hesitation in saying this is the best work of Russell T Davies so far.

( cut only because there is one spoiler and I know the USA hasn't gotten this yet )

I reached my lowest weight ever this week. Still within my "ideal weight" range but just slimmer and more toned. So happy. My favourite thing about being slim is not having to worry about the back of my bra pinching into my fat or love handles. like I can wear a backless top/dress and look good in it. FINALLY. This was not even possible before I had Elian.

( Thought I'd post my before and after photos )

I love how Elian has a sense of humor already. Like he tries to make me laugh and purposely does silly things and then see's if I'm looking. I love him so much I can't explain... I can't explain just how cute he is and how funny and silly and smart and beautiful and perfect he is.

He likes to chase me and he likes to run under my legs and he thinks it's funny when I sneeze and he likes to climb on things (particularly the window ledge which I am trying to discourage) and he likes to sit down and read out loud to himself. He loves to chase me and tickle me behind my knees. He's so happy, I have never known a toddler to be so happy all the time. How did I get so lucky? How did I end up with this amazingly well behaved, fun, happy guy? I mean, don't get me wrong, he can be moody or have a bad day and he can be hard work then. but shit. Hardly ever.

I can't understand how Phil finds him so over whelming sometimes, because even when he IS being a lot of work it is SO fun and SO heart warming.

He put makeup on yesterday. I found him in front of the long mirror putting lipstick on. So funny. And I also found another stash of my makeup in the VCR.

GAWD I wish you guys could see him :) <--- proud mum

In other news I've decided my next husband is going to be a fire fighter. Not that I am planning on leaving Phil but you know, always need a plan B. :)

I feel really low today.

I can't seem to shake it.

I think I know why but I don't have the emotional strength right now to think about it and confront it.

I'm going out tonight with my cousin for a girls night out. I am not feeling up too it due to my mood but I know it would be better for me to go than to mope around home and snap at Phil all evening.

I also should go out because we've been planning this night out for 5 months and I haven't been out for freaking ages.

Phil and I were suppose to go on a dinner date last night. Our first one in over a year. We've been out but always with friends. It was suppose to be romantic and we were both looking forward to it. We dressed up, his parents came over to baby sit and then ended up driving around for over 2 hours trying to find the fucking restaurant and then it got too late to eat so we got drive-thru and went home. Huge disappointment for both of us. I'm not mad nor blaming Phil for this cock up, but I think it has added to my low mood, though it is not at the root of it.

Roll on tomorrow I say.

Does anyone watch "Dollhouse" ?

A colleague of mine was just telling me about it and it is written by Chris Carter? because that would be awesome... Is it any good?

I should google it.

Oh how I miss the early years of X-files...I was such a fan. I had a the soundtack, the videos, a baseball cap and matching T-shirt (truly) and one halloween I dressed up as Scully...Those were the days.

/geek

I have a couple of anonymous blogs, one on LJ and one on Blogger that I've used in the past to blog while stretching my writing fingers. I.E. putting some actual thought into each post, being candid, thinking about the reader while doing my writing...

I USE to do these blogs religiously for about a month or two at a time and then POOF I'd be gone for 6 months, then back again, the gone, then back again. For example, my Blogger blog has a post about just getting married and then the one after that is about my 6 month old son...so there is over a year gap.

My question is, I want to get back into this, I want to write more and everything and I would like to build up a reader base.

Now on this journal I am aware that I have few readers and that really my only readers are people I would consider friends or family. Which is fine, because I like it like that. I like using this journal as just a way to banter and vent and communicate with my online pals.

But how do I get a better reader base over at my other blog? While still staying anonymous? I know I need to post regularly and I know i need to read and comment on other peoples blogs (which I do)...But I just feel like I'm writing to an empty audience. And that makes me sad, because I want to be part of that community over there I want people to comment and stuff on my writing so I can know where I am going with it. I want (as pathetic as this will sound) friends there!

SO. my real question is this though, should I ditch the old blog and start a new one that I will keep up, or just pick up from where I left off on the old blog? and if i used the old blog should I update on what has happened or just jump in like I was never gone?

Any suggestions or help would be appreciated.

I know I go on and on about this but I seriously properly like REALLY wish I could be a vigilante.

I work at Psychological Therapies Service for the NHS so all day we have cases and clients coming in of women with horrible histories filled with sexual and physical and mental abuse and when I read through their files 90% of the time they still live with the person who is abusing them. be it their Father, In-law, brother, husband or family friend... And I asked my boss today if we KNOW that these people are being abused and we KNOW who is doing it...Why don't we call the police?

Apparently we can not because all our clients are over 18.

I get that. They are adults and would have to press charges themselves. But if you are 18 and being abused and terrified of your abuser who is still in your life and you're all kinds of fucked up, you just don't have the strength or courage to press those charges half the time... And there you stay. Maybe someone giving you verbal support but no one taking your hand and saying "come with me, I'll keep you safe"

So these men (though they can hardly be called that) get away with it, continue doing it, believe they have the right to do it. And shit, even if someone DOES press charges, 50% of the time they get acquitted and the other 50% of the time they get something like 10 years but are out in 5.

FUCK THAT.

Society is so fucked up. People are so fucked up. And since I started this job I've realized it is a LOT of people.

Did you know statistics say that 1 out of 3 women have been sexually abused in some way? Did you know that EVERYONE knows at least one person that has been raped, but probably doesn't know it, And have met a lot more than just one.

Did you know that whenever this subject somehow pops into my head I am filled with rage and anger and injustice at this sick world. Did you know I totally would get in to some kind of volunteer work to help these women but I fear if I get pulled in to that world I would suffocate on all the pain.


I see no end to this, and that scares me.

LJ is being funky with me.


I was kind of looking forward to coming to work today and looking on LJ to see what you lot have been up too, I always look forward to Tuesdays for that reason since I rarely get a chance to check LJ when I'm not working.

I have to say guys, I'm a little disappointed in the lack of exciting and fun updates over this weekend. I mean, seriously! since I have little of a social life that doesn't revolve around going to the park or play centre with Elian, at the moment I live vicariously though you lot.


I has a pretty good weekend actually. Sat was spent shopping because Phil and I wanted to get some new clothes etc. but then got to the shops and was so overwhelmed by all the people I couldn't be assed so bought nothing.
Sunday went to a pub with all the in-laws
and had a lovely Sunday Roast for Father's day. Leaving me totally smitten with my husband. Man, he's great.

Monday I had my Ooooooooldest friend come visit London. We were BFF when we were 6 years old and were pen pals for ages when I moved to CA and have just been in and out of touch since. She lives in Paris now and has just come for the week but it was so good seeing her, and comfortable too.

Today is work and I'm feeling giddy/cheesy/positive.

I so am house hunting in Atlanta right now. Found the zip code for the hotel Phil applied too. have been looking at possible prospects all day :)

omg someonestopme.

I just had to write a letter to someone named Billie-Jo (Southern name) addressed at 4 Georgia Road..........IT'S A SIGN GUYS.

4 is my lucky number and well..yeah Gerogia. GA. ATLANTA BABY.

omgi'mgoingtogomad.